Do you have a safe space? A zone in which, even with kids surrounding you, you just feel good? I do.
It’s the shower.
I know, I know, it’s nothing amazing, or glamorous. Some days it’s not as clean as I’d like it to be, other days it runs out of hot water much faster than I’d like. But there are several reasons the shower just does it for me.
If I can’t manage to be in it alone, it’s a place to connect with each of the kids. To get the skin to skin contact that becomes harder to come by as they get older (and, honestly, more awkward as their questions become more pointed). A place to focus on each child, and be able to marvel at their uniqueness and how their personalities are developing.
Cabin Girl has been asking me to sing her lullaby to her lately (which is really not a lullaby, but that’s a topic for another day). She loves resting her head on my bare belly and wrapping her arms around my waist while the warm water runs through her hair.
Cabin Boy loves to sit on my lap with my arms wrapped around his little chest. He’s forming such coherent phrases and opinions now, and making up the funniest things. He gets super freaked out by the idea of The Kraken moving around in my belly though, so he always asks if the baby is moving or asleep before he sits with me. I’ve had to lie a couple times to get him on my lap.
Mr. Monkey is my water baby. Since he was born in the water, it’s no surprise, but watching him put his head under the stream of water and giggle, or fill his mouth up and spit it at the shower walls is so funny to me. He’s noticing the differences in our bodies and loves rubbing his hands on my belly. He’s also discovered that the shower drain makes a perfect target for pee practice.
When I do manage to get some solitary shower time, I find it easier to let go of the millions of stray thoughts floating around in my head. It’s easy to imagine that the droplet that just left my finger is a worry that I shouldn’t be carrying anyway, getting sucked down the drain and taken out of sight and mind. If I enter the shower in a foul mood, it’s somewhere I can ugly cry and not worry about tissues or frightening the kids. It’s cleansing, literally and figuratively, to have a good, ugly cry in the shower once in a while.
Though I’m an air sign, I feel a connection with water. Maybe it’s because I grew up going to the lake every weekend, I don’t know. But something about water soothes me, down to my core. When I’m upset or depressed, I find my serenity in water.
Since I’m not lucky enough to have a lake or river in my backyard, the shower is my place of zen.
Where is your favorite place to let go and just ‘be’?