Brave Enough to be Me

It’s 3:30 a.m. Another night of being too itchy to sleep… it could also be the prednisone I am now taking that is making it impossible for my mind to switch off. If nothing else, I know now that I can function very well, thankyouverymuch, on very little sleep, with the right drugs.

I can totally see how people get addicted to prescription meds. As one of my favorite bloggers, Jen Mann of People I Want To Punch In The Throat frequently laments, it’s quite the well kept secret. Not sleeping well? Pop a pill! It will give you energy! Out of focus? Take this! It will keep your mind on track! Libido need a kick in the pants? Try this new medication! Your partner won’t know what hit them!

Anyway, this post wasn’t intended to be idle chat about the new steroids I’m taking in lieu of my anti-anxiety meds. This post is in response to the creeping doubt I’ve been feeling lately.

I know recently I said I was saying Fuck You to my biggest hater. But it’s far easier said than done.

I look around me, and surrounded by so many people who know what they’re doing. They have a voice, they have a plan, and they know what they need, and want, to do to make their goals a reality. But sometimes it just feels like my world is too crowded by talent. Too full of so many people saying the same things in vastly different ways, how on earth could there ever be room for my opinion, my way of saying things, too?

And then there are the times that I do venture out, put myself out there, in places aside from this little blog and my meager facebook fan page, and I am rejected. They say it’s not because of my work, but because it’s just not a good fit. My voice doesn’t quite jive.

I need to find my niche. Is there a “Nothing In Particular” niche out there for writers and creative hopefuls?

This whole train of thought was brought on by this graphic from YourTango’s Facebook page:

braveI just want to be me, and be accepted, and celebrated for it. And there are days, more often than not, that I think to myself, DAMN IT, Jessica, get your shit together. No one wants to high five you for thinking about writing, you have to actually do it. There are no awards for people who meant to do great things.

I want to be my weird, makeup inept, tattoo obsessed, pirate loving, purple haired self, and throw caution to the wind and just put myself out there.

What the fuck is holding me back?

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About Domestic Pirate

Hi, my name is Jessica. I am a stay at home momma wench who is addicted to all things Piratey, the internet and cookie dough. If you like any of those things, I think we'll get along just fine.

3 thoughts on “Brave Enough to be Me

  1. Jessica, this is a fear that we ALL have. Something that holds us back almost every single day. Throw yourself out there, you get eaten by the wolves; don’t throw yourself out there, nothing happens. However, there are days when the above common sequence of events is broken. There are days when you do actually ‘throw caution to the wind’ and just bust a piece out and hit that ‘publish’ button and it is well received. Not by all, but by many. That day comes sooner for some and later for others. My best advice is to do and write what makes YOU happy, what inspires YOU, what makes YOU smile and everyone else can fuck off. At the end of the day, writing things out essentially brings some form of happiness to us all–it’s cathartic for many which is why I think so many of us do it, respectively, in our own genres. I think you are magnificent! Do you and the rest will fall into place. ((That’s what I tell myself, at least)) Hugs and kisses to you, friend.
    Ashley recently posted…My Child’s Next Birthday InviteMy Profile

    1. “However, there are days when the above common sequence of events is broken.” Wise words, Ashley!
      Jessica, I stumbled upon your Cinderella post and loved it so much I had to comment, as I am doing here as well! Though you didn’t write these posts with me in mind, they resonated with me and I’m sure many, many others as well. Please keep writing, you might inspire those of us who “think” about writing to actually write!

  2. I can relate to being too itchy to sleep. So much. And the prednisone will definitely keep you awake thinking a million things and nothing all at the same time (it really feels like it’s messing with your head on the higher does days)

    I hope you’re feeling better and have had a chance to get some non-itchy rest.

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