I forgive you.

perfectmother

You.  Yes, you.  The Holier-than-Thou, mom of the year runner up.  I forgive you.  For throwing stones at me from your glass house.

I don’t pretend to be perfect.  Ever.  I’m actually pretty blunt about my follies as a parent, wife, and housekeeper.  There are things that work for me and mine that you may never consider to try for you and yours.  And that’s ok.  It’s more than ok.  It’s perfect, because it’s natural.

I don’t know what you’re trying to compensate for by attacking my choices.  Sneering at the way I spend my free time.  Pitying my children, because what you see of me is via social media.

Assuming that, because I blog and use several social media outlets simultaneously, my children are neglected or less loved than yours.

What you don’t see between my internet activities is…

the food made from scratch,
the kisses on every toe during diaper changes,
the time I take to fix my daughter’s hair in that day’s requested style,
the stuffing of toys in shirts so we’re all wearing ‘babies,’
the load of cloth diapers just put in the wash,
the spills that are cleaned,
the scrapes that are bandaged,
the fights that are separated,
the little bodies crammed onto my every shrinking lap to watch silly things on the computer,
the talks about animals,
the pages that are colored,
the gentle games of indoor toss,
the nails that are painted,
the backs that are rubbed,
the books that are read,
the airplanes that are watched,
the bugs that are discovered,
the dishes that are washed and promptly dirtied again with more of that food made from scratch,
the flowers that are smelled,
the hiding places that are discovered,
the new words that are learned,
the songs that are sung,
that made from scratch food that is swept off the floor,
the pullups we practice,
the make believe meals that are brought to me,
the tantrums,
the budget balancing,
the puppet shows,
the stuff purging,
the failed attempts at taking a shower because I choose to spend time with my kids instead,
the walking 6 blocks to pick up my daughter from school and let my boys play,
the visits with our neighbors,
the jump roping,
the late nights I spent reading and gathering blogging material after all my household obligations are done,
the ball pit wars,
the piles of laundry folded,
the dance parties we have,
the fashion shows we’re given,
the school functions we attend,
the naps we take,
the wet beds changed,
the innumerable bathroom breaks,
the movies that are watched together,
the play dates that are planned,
the games of pretend that are played,
the discussions I’ve had with my husband about choosing a day of the week for me to focus on the things that I enjoy doing besides mothering.

 

And, because there’s no way you could have known any of that unless I post about it on social media, I forgive you.

I hope that next time, instead of attempting to shame me for the outlets I choose to use on my me day and in my frequent and short spare moments, you choose to be kind and applaud me for having a passion other than my children.

There is no parenting contest.  If there was, I can assure you

there would be no winner.

I was selected for VOTY/PhOTY 2015

UPDATE:  Shortly after posting this, a fellow blogger brought this amazing piece by The Hands Free Mama to my attention.  Here is an excerpt, but I encourage you to go read her full post.  It. Is. Beautiful.

“We need this validation. We need to know we’re doing something right. We need to know our children are going to turn out okay despite it all. We need to know love prevails over failures, flaws, and imperfect days.Because sometimes the “experts,” the psychologists, the well-meaning friends, the sweet ladies in line behind us at Starbucks, and the critics inside our head suggest otherwise … making us feel like there is more to it than just loving them.”

 

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About Domestic Pirate

Hi, my name is Jessica. I am a stay at home momma wench who is addicted to all things Piratey, the internet and cookie dough. If you like any of those things, I think we'll get along just fine.

30 thoughts on “I forgive you.

  1. Amen!!! And a beautiful post. I always find it so sad that there are still those women who feel the need to put down any choice not their own. I would have hoped that evolved a bit more. Bravo!!

  2. Know why I think this resonates with so many of us? Because it’s something either we’ve all experienced. If you’re a mommy, you’ve experienced it. People judge so easily. Lovely response!

  3. Wish there was a “love” button for posts like this. Unfortunately, there are judgy people who have made the decision to judge us based on the 1% of our lives that they actually see. And to share the judgement on Facebook? Unbelievable!

  4. This is awesome!! Shame on her for judging you (or anyone) based on incomplete information. As mothers, we all judge ourselves enough. What we need from others is support – not more judgment!

  5. Thank you for reaching out to me and letting me know you so kindly mentioned me today on your blog! Your post was beautiful, btw. My favorite line was this one: “There is no parenting contest. If there was, I can assure you there would be no winner. You are the perfect mother for your kids as I am the perfect mother for mine.” It was only when I let go of the pressure to parent a certain way or the supposed “right way” that I found true contentment in my life “as is.” Thank you for sharing this positive message of acceptance! I can’t wait to read more.

  6. Good for you! But don’t let the haters make you question your love/parenting. I mean, really. Feel sorry for them that they have nothing better to do because they’re big, giant, douchecanoes.
    Tracy @ Momaical

  7. Nice post! Pieces like this make me wonder about the internet because who in real life wanders around going, “I feel sorry for your children, random parent I see briefly in limited contexts! I PITY THEM!!!” You don’t need to justify your online hobbies any more than other parents need to justify their book groups or gardening.

  8. oh this is so perfect! I’ve had people make comments to me about how much time it “seems” like I spend on the computer. Clearly it takes them longer to come up with a few short sentences than it does me, because I do a lot with the little time I have.

    Bravo to you for pointing this out to someone who clearly needs a reminder that we do NOT know what happens on the other side of the internet. I will be sharing this! Thanks!!

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