I’ve been thinking a lot lately about adult relationships.
We went to a birthday party the other night and I realized that I. Am. So. Boring. And can be perceived as very self-centered.
Several years ago someone told me that I wasn’t the type of person she was interested in being friends with. There were a lot of other things said in and around it, but that was the gist, and it hit me HARD. It plucked at my insecurities and made me question the person I was. It still makes me question the person I’m becoming. A blessing in disguise, for sure, but blessings like those are painful.
It made me realize that I AM self centered.
Because I don’t have anything to talk about other than the small circle of a world that makes up who I am. Stuff about MY kids. Stuff about MY husband. Stuff about MY crafts. MY workouts. MY feelings, thoughts, opinions… I don’t have a sports team that I know the statistics of and can discuss for hours. I don’t have a job that broadens my perspective of the world at large. I don’t have an education that affords me high class discussions with worldly people.
I’ve been struggling with being more inviting. Asking people how they are doing instead of just responding to their questions about me. Swallowing my fears of being rejected and asking new people in my life to do things with the familiar ones. Taking chances and going to new things. Admitting that I’m not familiar with certain territory and am totally out of my element.
|One of these things is not like the other…|
I’m TRYING. And it’s HARD.
But, it’s what I have. I hope along the road I find more people that enjoy listening to random stories about my kids, pregnancies, and marriage. Because I AM a mother and a wife. I pray that those more in the know than I can offer advice regarding the current craft pattern I can’t wrap my head around. Because I AM a crafter (albeit a novice at everything). I dream of a time when I can be an inspiration to women on the road to a healthier lifestyle. Because I AM on that road. I ask that the people I meet be accepting of the fact that I don’t have more to offer.
Because this is my life now. It is small. There’s not a lot of variety.
I am greater than the sum of my parts. And if you can’t accept that my focus is on the things that are important to me, then maybe you aren’t the kind of person I’m interested in being friends with anyway.