Does age change the attraction you feel for your spouse? Do you worry about your spouse wishing you looked different?
Even though I’m not yet out of my twenties, being a mother of 4 is taking its toll on me. Mentally, emotionally, and, most notably, physically. Captain will be 30 this year, and the tolls of hard work and stress are showing on him, too.
Tell-tale signs of self-neglect lay the foundation for insecurities that I’d hoped to be past by this point of my life; Dry skin, yesterday’s makeup still smeared beneath my eyes, crows feet, frown lines, and frizzy hair, to name a few. Add onto those the major changes having babies puts you through; Wider hips, stretch marks, extra weight, and changed breasts.
So many things that I look at and think: Ugh.
Enough things to make me wonder why Captain still takes an interest in me, as I’m clearly not the 17 year old girl he encountered when we first met anymore.
Things that make me consider expensive treatments to fix.
Until the other night, when I was cutting Captain’s hair and noticed that his hair is thinning. If, as they say, men should look to their mother’s side of the family to find out what their predispositions for hairloss will be are true, then he’s on the road to becoming completely bald before he’s 40.
I looked at him, really looked, later that night, and saw what I’ve always known was there: stretchmarks over his muscular thighs, laugh lines and crows feet of his own, moles, and his receding hairline. Things that really aren’t attractive at all.
I really absorbed the way Captain has started to age, and you know what?
It didn’t change the way I feel about him one bit.
His extra weight doesn’t make me want him less. His complexion doesn’t make me less attracted to him. His silvering, thinning hair doesn’t make me want to go out and find a younger man to romp around with.
Why would I assume that the faults I see in myself would make him love or desire me less?
So, the next time he calls me beautiful, I’ll accept it with a smile.
When he says he finds me sexy, I’ll put my self-depreciating doubt behind me.
Because I love more than his body.
He deserves me to be accepting of his loving more than mine.